Before the War

She didn't die alone. She had the nursing staff with her. I hope someone held her hand when she went. Even in her state of absence she seemed to like that security. She always clutched back and held on hard. Perhaps some bodily memory of times that were happpier, more unsure, younger and more vibrant caused the muscles of her hand to hold back when she needed to be safe. Bodily memories of before the war. I've seen photos of that time. Her with her hair in those cool forties rolls, shorts above the knee, and strapped in belted-up corsetted casual wear. Him free and easy beside her, holding her hand ever so lightly with the tips of his fingers. She was beautiful and she was smiling. She looked down in this photo, a big smile on her face, and head cocked slightly to one side. Flirting I think. In later photos there's someone else there, not him. The German Friend they called this other one. In some pictures it's her and him, in others the German Friend and him, or just the German Friend by himself. In this one the German is behind the camera and there's just the two of them. He's looking at the camera, a crooked smile and creased eyes. They'd been hiking I've been told. The German was their hiking friend. I think they flirted her and the German. Even when she told me, her face weathered by the war that was yet to come, and the years of sadness afterwards, even then the coy smile would return. She was a different person to the one I knew. They both were. They were the kind of people that got married on a whim the day war was declared. He, a member of the communists, (which got him kicked out of home) and smoking since he was ten, would bluff his way into the prestigous ranks of the fighter pilots by pretending to be a toff and inventing some toff school. She was a toff, but head over heels in love with this slightly cheeky man that made her laugh so. I wonder whether it was the laughter that attracted them - their wicked sense of humour. They would see so much in their time, lose so much and change so much. But then, before the war, they were as carefree as they would ever be. And I wonder now if that's where she flew to in those final years and if she died reliving a time of such great joy, before the war when they still held hands.